It’s Not Me, It’s You… or Is It?

No this is not a typo and neither is it a post about breaking up with your bae. This is about dealing with the everyday people in your life; business, personal, and everything in between. We all know the infamous “It’s not you, it’s me” line, but what if it in fact is you?

A lot of us have someone who we clash with. By clash I mean, everything we say or do seems like it’s never good enough. Maybe it’s a friend who tends to be overly critical of your decisions and lacks compassion in their approach when telling you how they feel. Or perhaps a coworker who constantly disregards your long hours of hard-work and sees a minor error as their opportunity to criticize your work ethic. No matter what you do, or how much effort you give, they’re never appeased and you’re left thinking “why don’t they just let me live?” Have you ever stopped to consider, maybe it’s me?

I’ve had a few people in my life who never seemed to be satisfied with my decisions. If I did what I wanted, they have all the right answers when something goes wrong. When I did what they wanted, they blamed me for not doing it sooner. It’s a lose-lose situation when it comes to living life trying to please others, no doubt. However, it is helpful for me to not completely shut out other’s opinions, and to question myself when I begin to feel “attacked”.

Here’s what I tend to ask myself before I completely dismiss what someone has to say:

  • Is it something about what they’re saying about me that brings out certain feelings?
  • What are those feelings?
  • Is it a positive trait that could come from their critiques?
  • Why do these opinions bother me so much?
  • Are they intentionally being that way?

Once I examine the thoughts that I have by answering these questions, I can begin to think more logically. If I am unsure whether the people around me are purposely being confrontational I can decide if a conversation can be had to rectify the relationship. I’ll be honest, sometimes I make ridiculous decisions because well, I just don’t know any better. In those moments, I need to throw my ego out the window and listen to some wisdom from someone who cares about me. I can determine when I have to be responsible and hold myself accountable for my actions. So then I can say, “You know what, this time it is me.”