Dating: Being Upfront is Best

This past weekend I had quite a few conversations with someone who over the last years has become a really good friend of mine. With this particular friend, we usually meet up for drinks or grab a bite downtown and that quickly turns into us talking about our relationships or what has been going on in our love lives or lack thereof. She comes to me for insight into the male perspective and why do we do the things we do.

Like most women, she wants to understand why men can’t just be upfront and honest in what we want from women. Why can’t we be in touch with our feelings and just tell them when all we want is sex?? But in this instance, she is telling me about this guy she is seeing and how if he would’ve waited a week to be all like “I want to go further sexually” he would’ve gotten the bunz. He was too impatient and when he saw that he wasn’t going to get what he wanted he became distant and stopped talking to her, and that hurt her feelings in a way. She thought that above all they were friends and that not having sex with him wouldn’t make him act this way. Know this is where I interject and let her know, men can be tricky, and I tell all of my women counterparts…..all men want the same thing!!! We just go about getting it in a different way when it comes to this sex. Some people don’t want to believe it but at the end of the day sex is what drives us.

There is the “waiter”. He is the guy that will befriend you and will wait weeks, months, and even years until his chance comes. The guy that always there, it seems like. This guy can’t be trusted. Then there is “Mr. Direct”. When you meet him you already know what he wants. He makes sure there is no confusion and if you are not with it he disappears. Most women fear this man but he might be the most genuine and truthful, although his methods are a bit aggressive, you do know where he stands. We all know “Mr. Nice Guy”. You can call him for anything and he’s there. He’s like a brother to you. But don’t get it twisted, he’s still a man and if given the opportunity he will take what is given to him. Then there is the “love of your life”. Know this guy is someone you know has a ting for you but he does everything right and wants to be with you not just for sex but for love and all that other lovey stuff as well. That is the man women want to meet but he is, to say the least the hardest to find. Now I say that because everyman goes through all these phases and it is needed for growth. But depending on which phase he is going through at the time, you might not ever see that last phase until late in life. Some men get there faster than others, some are always there.

So my friend was dealing with someone who was the nice guy. But I failed to mention, at this point in her life, she is not looking for love or a companion, she is enjoying her single life and does not want to be tied to a man. So I ask why not just tell him what you want from the beginning? Wouldn’t that have made this whole situation that much easier? I mean, let’s be real here, if a woman who I like and I’m thinking likes me comes and says, “ hey, you’re cool but I’m not looking for a boyfriend, just someone I can sort of be with.” What guy will say no to that??

Know this is something I live by and that is just be upfront and honest with people. Either they are with it or not. At least they know where you stand. And if they are not with it, guess what, you can move on to the next. Life is too short to play a guessing game on whether someone likes you and wants to be with you. Let people know from the beginning and it’ll save a lot of heartache and pain in the long run.