What All Of Us Can Learn From Ezekiel Elliot

"Belly" is one of my favorite movies of all time. The 1998 film, directed by Hype Williams, depicts DMX and Nas as Bunz and Sincere, two drug dealers, with Sincere looking to bow out the game and Bunz trying to become the "illest nigga in Nebraska." I love this movie because it's full of quotables, one of which I've used in a previous post on this site. They apply to all aspects of life, even if you don't deal drugs, bust your guns or drop dimes.

DMX's character Bunz is full of quotables, like a drunk uncle at the family function who always smells like Crown Royal. Not the one in the leather sandals with the Bluetooth holding down the grill, but the one who lets you sip his drink when your mom isn't looking and pays everything "straight cash." One of Bunz's unforgettable lines goes like this:

"Bitches will fuck your whole shit up."

Now I'm not here to argue a fictional character's point of view about women, and whether or not they fuck your shit up. But former Ohio State star and current Dallas Cowboys running back Ezekiel Elliot should've watched Belly this summer. Check out the off-season my mans had:

-Sported a tux with a crop-top at the NFL Draft.

-Went top 5 to "America's Team."

-Came into camp with high expectations to produce immediately, being the highest drafted running back since the Browns took Trent "Tippy Toe" Richardson #3 back in 2012. (I still haven't recovered from how much of a bust that dude was, but whatever.)

-Given the keys to the offense behind fellow rookie Dak Prescott *cues up Khaled "I Got The Keys"*

Soak up those highlights, because the rest of this nigga's summer got torpedoed by some serious domestic violence accusations from his ex-girlfriend Tiffany Thompson. A quick Google search will explain in great detail just exactly what went down between them, but I'll get to the point. At some point during the past year, Zeke and Tiffany had something going on (see- fling, going steady, situationship, "dat's bae!", etc), to the point where he was paying her rent and co-signing for her car and may or may not have let ole girl live with him for a minute. At some point after this, Zeke gave Tiffany the ole heave-ho *cues up Chris Brown "Dueces"*.

Chalked by the star running back? That could turn any girl nuts I guess. Then one night Tiffany saw Zeke in a car with another girl, loses her shit and threatens to "ruin him," which confirms her status as a white girl because a sista would've been quoted using WAAAYY more expletives. If this was Tanya and not Tiffany, Zeke would've been all kinds of MFs, BANs and BHLDANs (let me know if you can't figure that last one out.)

Then Tiffany took it there and posted several pics on her Instagram account of bruises on her body, directly naming Ezekiel Elliot as the culprit, and she even filed a police report alleging several different instances of him assaulting her. Eventually, the truth came out, vindicating Zeke of any wrongdoing, as there were conflicting reports of Tiffany being attacked in a car by Zeke, and even text messages from Tiffany's friends that show she asked them to lie to the police for her. Those bruises on her body? She was in a bar-fight the night before, according to Zeke.  SHEEESH!! Excessive much?!!

We assume athletes, rappers and all other men with money and fame have throngs of women throwing themselves at their feet, just begging for their attention. We check their Twitter mentions and Instagram comments, ablaze with heart-eye, water-drop and eggplant emojis from the accounts of objects of our desire who we think would never get a regular dude the time of day. But we've all known women to do the craziest things for run-of-the-mill men everyday. A few years ago, I remember walking out of my apartment to get in my car and a Range Rover was parked next to me. The whole car was covered in key scratches and had the word "BITCH" scratched on the hood. As I got in my car, the guy who owned the Range came out to his car and screamed every curse word in the dictionary. As I drove off, I could hear him on the phone, calling the woman who keyed his car everything but a child of God. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, y'all.

Between Zeke's nutty ex-girlfriend and my man's key-wielding scorned lover, we can all learn some valuable lessons about playing hot potato with women and their emotions. Now, as hard as we try to be the one of the "original playas from the Himalayas," if it's not in you to keep a few in rotation, just focus on one at a time. Don't bite off more than you can chew, and for the love of all things holy, don't let them find out about each other. You don't have to be Bill Bellamy in "How To Be A Player," but you don't want to end up like Martin Lawrence in "A Thin Line Between Love and Hate."

Somebody let Zeke know that Belly is on Netflix. And let him know not to pull that monkey shit on any women in Texas. They have guns down there, bro.