Break Up to Make Up: Is Getting that Old Thing Back a Good Idea?

I’ve heard it all before, cue Sunshine Anderson (if that song reference is lost on you, this post will now be for those 25 and up). I am currently working through the loss of someone with whom I planned to spend my life pining over FOREVA *Cardi B voice. No she hasn’t passed on, but after 5 years which felt like 10, now we’re here. There is no short version of why we broke up but the meat and potatoes is because she cheated. I will admit we were having issues prior to the infidelity but her doing that was definitely the straw that broke the camels back. ‘They’ say don’t rule your exes out. ‘They’ say maybe your ex has changed and all hope isn’t lost. I’m not sure who ‘they’ even is or why we should be listening to them, but I say if it’s broke and you couldn’t fix it then, more than likely you won’t be able to mend it now. While it appears my ex is peddling the whole—I’m a different person, I’ve worked on me, gonna be better for my new girl—spiel, she looks about as much the same as twins Tia and Tamera. Part of me wants to give her the benefit of the doubt, and because we no longer speak, I cannot say for sure if she’s changed or not. The fact that I can't tell whether she's the same or a different person now is what hinders me from going back down that path. We were right but wrong for each other. We grew up together. We were a whirlwind romance and the couple everyone wanted to be around until we weren't anymore. What's crazy is, in the beginning of the end, we talked about if we'd do the “break up to make up” thing, and we both agreed it just wasn't for us. In my opinion, once you part ways, that’s it. Why continue to have soul ties to someone you are no longer truly tied to? Since I’m a woman who reads and finds studies interesting because, nerd life, studies do show that almost 50% of couples who break up get back together. The real statistic which is conveniently missing of course, is whether they stay together and for how long. Would I ever entertain going back to an ex? If the circumstances were right and if I knew them to be someone other than who they were when we were together the first time around then, yes. If you get through the break up and then decide to bounce back, kudos! I’m not saying people don’t have success giving an old lover another try but personally, as I channel Randy Jackson from the original American Idol (because I don’t know what this reboot business is but that is an article for some other time), IT’S A NO FOR ME DAWG. But who am I? I’m just someone who loved with every fiber of my being someone else. My heart will always love her, but my mind is telling me it's better this way. My advice to those in a similar situation is to not only think about how you feel, but to remember what you deserve. It may sound cliché but typically your heart and mind don't agree. The heartbreak may be bad, but the psychological impact could be even worse. My challenge to anyone unsure what to do will always remain the same, think about this…what’s changed?

 

Briana Elise

Briana Elise

My full name is Briana Oldham, but I like to go by Briana Elise. On social media I am @_breezyebaby (Twitter and IG) Briana Elise on Facebook. I'm from the Eastside of Cleveland. My passion for writing began in the 7th grade and hasn't left since. I thought about what it was that I was told I was good at, but wanted to become great at. I envisioned a career that I could get up everyday doing and fall more in love with it everyday.