First Dates: "To Do Or Not To Do? That Is The Question"

“You never get a second chance to make a first impression.”


This quote holds true in every walk of life.

 First impressions are very important when it comes to dating. The first date can make or break someone in the eyes of the person they are going out with. Of course the first impression has already been made before someone goes on the first date, but the first date is what sets the precedents for the future between the two individuals going forward. It can be the first romantic memory of many, or the funniest "bad date" joke/story for years to come. I could babble on and on about how important first dates are but everyone should get the point by now! Putting this into perspective, I asked my beautiful girlfriend, Charnelle, a series of questions about first dates and we were intrigued as some of our responses differed. So I wanted to share both of our views on some of the important aspects of first dates! Obviously Charnelle being a woman, she would see first dates from different point of view than I would. Answers to questions like where to go, what to where wear, and even what to talk about may or may not differ because of that. We decided to pick 6 questions and share our responses about some key aspects of first date. 

     1. Location?

Charnelle: When it comes to dating, I am all about tradition. A new restaurant/bar or coffee shop would be ideal because it’s neutral ground but also an intimate setting. You’re able to communicate with fewer distractions. I would never want to go to the movies on a first date. It’s such a waste of time and money. There is no room for communicating or interaction. You’re both in a dark for an hour or two achieving absolutely nothing. Please don’t waste your money!

Benjamin: My places of choice would be out to eat at a restaurant, going to get drinks at a bar, or any chill place where conversation can happen. I definitely take my dates somewhere I have been before but somewhere she hasn’t. I also don’t let her choose the place, though I will take suggestions. I don’t want any surprises with the menu, price of food, price of drinks, etc. Going to a restaurant where I have been before helps me get a general idea of how much I am going to spend (I like to budget, don't judge me!).  I also take my dates somewhere approximately 15 to 25 minutes away from her general area. Give her that illusion that I’m cultured when it comes to picking restaurants and places to go. The car talk is another reason why I don't mind driving. That’s actually an integral part of the date in my eyes.

     2. Spending?

Charnelle: Budget? What is that? The only thing I’m bringing with me on a first date are my house keys and my ID. As I stated before, I am traditional. So I believe a guy should always pay on the first date. All the independent “I GOT MY OWN MONEY” women, let the guys have this one! You can have the next one.

Benjamin: I don’t mind spending money on the first date if I really like the young lady, but I try not to spend more than $80 to $110. I imagine $50 to $65 on dinner and drinks, $20 to $30 on the second activity, and $10 to $15 on flowers (game time decision). I don’t expect the women to pay for anything. So do not reach for the check false flagging about paying the bill! Because I will definitely not fight you for it back.

     3. Conversation?

Charnelle: Conversation should always be positive. Light topics about the person’s interest such as hobbies, goals, and fun experiences in life are safe. These types of topics keep the atmosphere fun, and not only allows him to learn more about you but also helps you find out if you’re interested enough for date #2. Please! Please! Please avoid heavy topics like your Ex’s. No one wants to hear you talk about how you hate or how you are secretly still in love with them. Also stay away from financial issues, health issue, and personal drama. The goal is be honest but highlight the positive things that make you, you.

Benjamin: I generally like to dive right in on first dates! That Surf and Turf she ordered was about $32. I think I should be able to ask her whatever I want for $32, but I try not to go to deep. I will ask about your last relationship, how your relationship is with your family, do you like Kanye West, what’s your aspirations/goals, do you enjoy 90’s R&B and Bryson Tiller? Nothing to deep but I want her to know I am interested. I do not bring up my past relationships unless asked about. Sex, political views, and Kanye slander are all off limits for the first date.

     4. Activities?

Charnelle: For a first date, simplicity is key. Trying to go above and beyond can be overwhelming when setting plans and possibly uncomfortable if you don’t know what the other person’s vibe will be.  One activity is good enough for a first date. Picking the right setting for a date, you can find out everything you need to know about the other person. An ideal time would be about 1 to 2 hours, maybe 3 if it’s amazing. Anything longer is overkill. Some people have busy schedules due to work, school or kids so there may only be time for one activity. If you choose the right activity, you will find out everything you need to know about the other person.

Ben: I enjoy longer, 2 activity dates. If you truly want to get to know a woman then why not spend 4 to 5 hours with her. I am a fun loving person who enjoys a good time, so I definitely need to see if she can “hang”. Another reason for the 2 activity date is to see people in different settings. That civilized, nice woman I was talking to at the bar may not act the same after she takes that “L” in bowling or mini golf (because I don’t lose!).

     5. Sex?

Charnelle: Sex is NEVER okay on a first date, even if the vibe is great. If you give everything away on the first date there’s not much to look forward to down the line. A women’s body is her temple and everyone should not be allowed to enter. If you are the type to have sex on the first date just be safe and wrap it up.

Benjamin: I don’t particularly like sex on the first night because things move faster with no sense of direction, and it always ends up with that awkward hang out or conversation! BUT, if the vibe is right and it happens. Then it happens. I go with the flow of the date. Now that does not mean I try to have sex on every first date I go on, BUT if things go left (or right depending on which way you look at it) then why not? I don’t think it messes up the value of the woman in my mind like most women think. I respect all women before and after sex on the 1st or 15th date! *Wink*……………..*Wink*

     6. Contact?

Charnelle: As a women, I feel it is the man’s responsible to make the first call after the date. It’s okay to text the next afternoon to give feedback on the date. For the people addicted to social media, don’t follow or friend your date right after the date If you are not already following them. It’s Creepy!

Ben:  If no sex on the first date (I usually spend the night if there is), I will call that night after I drop her off! Just to let her know that I had a good time and ask her if she did too. Maybe sweet talk her about how I would love to see her again. I may text the next day depending on the vibe, honestly may call again if our relationship consist of heavy phone talk already. I try to do nothing out the normal the days after the date. Staying consistent with the pre-existing communication!

These are just a few key aspects of first dates. Make sure to comment below key things you think we may have missed and/or your ideal first date!